I know I post too much at times-long-and Battle

Question

I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and I can't always get stuff out of my head. I don't have any of the behaviors like checking door knobs and oven lights 1000 times daily, but I sometimes do talk too much and write too much. I'm a miracle to be here however. My dad was the baby out of 10, and he was backed over by a car when he was 5. He also used to climb to the tops of trees and then let go. My mom was the baby out of 5, but my dad was engaged twice before he met my mom. Once, I got here I was stung by 10 wasps at once and rushed to the ER, swallowed a gumball and someone did the heimlich, busted my head open, and had a horrible bike wreck. I also got beat up by 3 rednecks at recess once and was spitting up blood. This was all before the age of 10. When I was 12 everything was great. The year was 1985, and my dad was a successful minister and my mom was a great teacher. We had more friends and money than ever and my dad was being offered jobs at churches in Columbia. However, in November of 85, my mom went in the hospital with pneumonia and 9 days later her immune system shut down and she died. My dad then started losing his memory and was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and I had to go to 4 different high schools. However, he declined slowly and I was able to help him until I was 20. When I was 21, my sister took care of him and I went to Carolina for the best year of my life. I made so many friends and we had 7 guys joking around in our dorm room every night. I also met my wife, played intramurals, and my friends and I set a record for most water balloons and toilet paper ever launched. I attended FCA and Intervarsity weekly, but my buddies and I had a favorite show called Beavis and Butthead. So, I'm obviously not perfect. After my senior year in college, I returned home to find my dad much worse. He didn't know who I was half the time, and would get lost in the middle of the night and wake me up. I was his only source of entertainment and he repeated himself every 2 minutes. I started having to help him with eating and bathing and I had become his dad. At the same time, someone close to me shared something with me that broke my heart, and then I saw something awful that made me start to shut down mentally. I got so frustrated that I punched and kicked holes in the wall and cursed out God. I couldn't take it anymore, and I had to put my dad in a nursing home and I then got married. I was able to work for a while, but then started getting migraines and could no longer work. I then started getting depressed and having OCD. OCD can be like a bad record playing over and over in your mind. You can have 3-4 terrible memories and they replay daily. Also, a couple of years later my sister's son was born with a rare disease that only 350 people in the world have. I then called about 700 churches for prayer and he's a miracle to this day. He was supposed to die from birth to age 8 and he's now 12. God told me in a miraculous way that HE was going to heal him and I believe it. My sister got sick as well, but none of us ever give up! In the middle of all this I had a wonderful job as an activities coordinator at a nursing home for 10 years because my OCD and depression were better and I was happy and prosperous. However, my body shut down some and I had to fight to work 8-10 hours a day. I've had some surgeries, over 33 illnesses both mental and physical and been to the doctor over 250 times in 15 years. However, one of my wife's coworkers had a dream of me being completely healthy and whole and speaking in front of my church. I believe it and I'm going to help others who have suffered similarly and help others financially as well.(Changing subjects) I also can't stand Clemson. The day after my mom died a bunch of tater fans took me to the Carolina-Clemson game. We were ahead 14-3 and lost 24-17. The tater fans were pretty obnoxious about winning and I thought God didn't love me anymore. I also detest their cheating and I have sent a couple of 5 page typed letters to the NCAA about them. I also used to e-mail Brad Scott and Lou Holtz. I e-mailed Lou when his wife was sick and he always responded. I e-mailed Brad and he said there is more to life than football. I don't e-mail Spurrier because I have actually improved. I actually only have 7-10 illnesses now and I'm getting better with God's help. Look at how all those cancer kids(the baseball team has helped) have battled and the baseball team has battled. I've made up my mind to do the same. All you wonderful Gamecock fans out there never give up on your dreams and keep fighting. Sometimes life can be hard, but as for me and my house we will serve the Lord and Battle!

Originally posted on Fighting Gamecocks Forum by CarolinaHeaven.

Answer 1

And some of us complain about uniforms.

Originally posted on Fighting Gamecocks Forum by jimnasium.

Answer 2

Hey, CarolinaHeaven, thanks for such an open-hearted post.

I'm sure you remind yourself of this all the time, but your story makes me think so much of Christ's words to Paul: "My strength is made perfect in your weakness."

I've had struggles too (mother dropped me off in a foster home and I've never known her, emotionally distant father, numerous health challenges, depression, anxiety, etc), so I speak sympathetically when I say that it's been in some of my most difficult moments that I've truly known the merciful presence of God.

May God bless you and keep you!

Originally posted on Fighting Gamecocks Forum by Jubjub Bird.

Answer 3

Ahh...whoops. Wrong Topic.

This post was edited on 2/21 4:20 AM by scgcwb

Originally posted on Fighting Gamecocks Forum by scgcwb.

Answer 4

Holy wall of text. Sorry to hear of all your troubles, nice to know that there are some bright spots

Originally posted on Fighting Gamecocks Forum by RolexInSC.

Answer 5

GOCOCKS!

Originally posted on Fighting Gamecocks Forum by chick75.

Answer 6

Thanks jub-jub. May God bless you and yours. You're in my prayers and keep battling!

Originally posted on Fighting Gamecocks Forum by CarolinaHeaven.

Answer 7

Hey Carolina -

Prayers to you! I am an OCDer myself. Lived with crap in my head I didn't understand for 25 years before discovering that OCD was a lot more than just people who are germaphobes. For those that don't know about the wide spectrum of OCD, it does not just include people who are clean freaks and super-organized. Those are not even the majority of OCDer's. The clean/organized compulsion is just the most noticeable form of OCD. More common are repetitive, obsessive thoughts that people with OCD wish would just go away and give their brain some peace. Scrupulosity (moral/religous issues), harm and sex thoughts are very common in OCD. Imagine part of your brain firing off the most repulsive and inappropriate thoughts at the most inappropriate time and you are powerless to stop it. That is what an OCDer deals with and brain scans of OCDer's show a biological reason for this happening as part of the OCDer's brain is overactive and for lack of a better term "mis-firing". Everyone has strange thoughts and you wonder to yourself "where did THAT come from", but that quirky thought for you can happen constantly to an OCDer and become more and more intense.

If someone has OCD and doesn't know that "it's not me it's my OCD", then that person can literally feel possessed and convinced that they don't belong in a normal society. The weird thing is that the thoughts are typically 180 degrees away from the person's true self. Usually, an OCDer's fear is laughable because they would be the last person on earth to do what they fear they may do. I can now look back and see the humor in the stupid thoughts I had and compulsions I did, but when you're in the middle of an OCD battle it can be debilatating; as in "can't leave the house or get out of bed" debilitating.

I thought I would put this info out there for anyone who may be dealing with some OCD issues and not know it is OCD. To be clear, if someone is having thoughts about harming others or strange sexual thoughts but they find pleasure in the thoughts, that's a whole 'nother story; but if someone is having repetitive thoughts they hate and want desperately for the thoughts to stop, then that is OCD.

Good luck and best wishes to you Carolina!

Originally posted on Fighting Gamecocks Forum by Toneski M.

Answer 8

OCD is treatable as new and more effective meds are introduced yearly.

Originally posted on Fighting Gamecocks Forum by Forever Fowl.

Answer 9

This poor fellow has clearly been through it. His post reminds me of an email from one of our lawyers out in the Mountain West. He is very bright, but he periodically writes these one paragraph emails that are around 3 printed pages long single spaced. They are virtually impossible to read.

Originally posted on Fighting Gamecocks Forum by 76gintcock.

Answer 10

Toneski, I've actually experienced some of that in my own life and I've been debilitated and felt powereless to stop it. My meds have really helped me and I've improved greatly. Don't let anyone tell you that you have no faith if you take meds and it's all in your head. It's a real biological disease. People don't understand anything mental, and don't let people convince you to stop taking meds, they wouldn't tell someone with cancer or heart disease to stop treatment. However, you aren't powerless to stop it. I've improved greatly by not talking a lot daily about my health problems and replacing my thoughts with healing scriptures. I listen to cd's, read books, and watch dvd's about healing and it's amazing what that has done for me. Toneski, I appreciate your kind words. I'll definitely pray for you. I'd be glad to share any info with you or help you in any way. If there's any way to get in contact with you it would be appreciated. If you don't feel comfortable with that, don't worry about it. Regardless, I will pray for you everyday because I've had times when I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. Don't give up, keep the faith, and keep battling.

Originally posted on Fighting Gamecocks Forum by CarolinaHeaven.

Answer 11

Carolina -
I'm fine now - better than I've been in my entire adult life, though prayers are always appreciated. Please get the book "Brain Lock" by Jeffery Schwartz and read it if you have not already. It is the best, and I've read several.

I wouldn't wish OCD on my worst enemy. While most "crazy" people have no clue that their thoughts/actions are inappropriate, an OCDer is completely sane of the fact they are "crazy" or at least think they are - it's very strange. Carolina, if you or anyone reading this would like to email me to chat or ask questions/support for OCD, please do so at: armartinco@gmail.com. I have OCD Awareness wristbands that I had made myself to send to the IOCDF and will be happy to mail to anyone that wants them.

BTW, I don't check that email everyday but I will respond. Thanks!

Originally posted on Fighting Gamecocks Forum by Toneski M.

Answer 12

Sorry that I picked on you on a earlier post. Did not know about your medical problem. I sincerely apologize. Welcome to FGF. GO COCKS ! pepsicock

Originally posted on Fighting Gamecocks Forum by pepsicock.

Answer 13

Don't worry Carolina Heaven,

There's some posters on here that graduated from USC with a Degree in Killjoy.

Originally posted on Fighting Gamecocks Forum by vehemon.

Answer 14

Prayers and good wishes to all those on here suffering in any way. May God bless.

Originally posted on Fighting Gamecocks Forum by lookhere.

Answer 15

Well put, my man, well put!

Originally posted on Fighting Gamecocks Forum by cocktales.

Answer 16

Thanks Pepsi and all other well wishers-much appreciated.

Originally posted on Fighting Gamecocks Forum by CarolinaHeaven.